Be careful what you wish!
Once upon a time, there was a cute innocent girl called Abby. Today was the day she always wished for: her sweet sixteen birthday party. Unfortunately for her, while she was in the bedroom, trying to decide what to wear that day, her family entered into her room and threw the birthday cake right into her face.
Despite this, she kept telling herself: “This day will be different than the other disastrous birthday parties. Then her memories start to run in her mind: when she was 9, her parents allowed her to eat only what they wanted, when she was 13 she was wearing braces and her parents couldn’t understand her, and at 15 she was treated like a kid when she was supposed to be treated like a grown up. Abby decided that she will have the most amazing party ever and the most beautiful dress and nothing on earth will ruin her wishes.
While she was walking to school, a candle and a box of matches appeared from nowhere in her hand. On the candle were written some instructions: “Make a wish. BE CAREFUL! What you wished will become permanent at midnight”. Abby was confused but also curious to find out if it was a simple joke or if it was for real. So she lit the candle and wished to be treated like an adult from now on. Suddenly, something magically happened: she began floating and the world seemed different, then everything stopped.
She hurried to school, but she was kicked out because everyone in the school thought she was in college, and some of the students called her “Miss Fletcher”. Abby walked back home, but her parents told her she is too old to live with them so they rented an apartment for her. She was all confused and somehow she felt very different. Then her mother explained to her that she was 22 that day and she wished her a “Happy birthday!” She was shocked and when she checked her watch, she noticed it was 11:45! She was almost out of time before the wish would become permanent.
She started to cry and unexpectedly a fairy appeared in her brand new apartment. When she saw Abby crying, she felt pity for her and decided to give her a second chance. Then she closed her eyes, and when she opened them, the incident with the birthday cake was about to happen. Even though she was covered in pieces of cake, she ran straight to her parents and hugged them.
Only then she realized her life was perfect the way it was and she wouldn’t change a thing about it.
Oana, I really enjoyed reading your story. It was well written and entertaining. My one constructive comment would be to watch out for using the same words over and over again. Especially words used to show the sequence of actions (i.e when, then)
ReplyDeleteHi Oana! I love your story and I think that you are talented,but you don`t share this to us ... You have a few mistakes...but do not forget, it doesn`t exist a story without a mistake... everybody makes mistakes... this reminds me of "Nobody is perfect", Miley Cyrus`s song...
ReplyDeleteHope to write more essays...
XOXO,
Georgiana
Hy Oana! I think your story it's great . I like it very much !
ReplyDeleteDenisa:)